Thursday, April 9, 2009

Wedding Invites

So my friend, Violet, and I frequently discuss political issues and issues related to gay rights at work over instant messenger. She is a hard-core Republican, evangelical Christian, who was born and raised in Texas. Get the picture?

I came out to her almost a year ago, and she has been surprisingly supportive at times. We have had MAJOR disagreements about gay marriage and just about every other political topic under the rainbow. She knows about Max and she knows that things are relatively serious between us. She got married last summer, and unfortunately, I was not able to make it to the wedding in Dallas. I regularly joke with her about when she is going to have a baby, and she asks me when Max and I are getting married.

Well, I think we have joked plenty about when I would be sending out the wedding invites and she is always making sure that she would be receiving one, and I think typically I have just kind of said yes. But the other day, I was honest with her. I told her that I would likely never invite her, knowing that she was actually opposed to my marriage.

Ooh, was she mad. She asked me why, and I probably did not answer that the right way. I told her because I have self-respect. I told her I would never invite somebody to my wedding that I knew was actually opposed to me marrying the person I love (instead of say, marrying a woman which is the "right" thing to do).

Since then, she has been trying to convince me that she is not opposed to me marrying Max or gay families in general.  Yet when I asked her if a proposition similar to Prop 8 was placed on the ballot in Virginia, where she is now living, she indicated that she would vote for it. I'm not going to lie, that's ridiculous to me. To say that you support me and want me to be happy, but then vote to invalidate gay families is, well, hypocritical. Maybe I am being too sensitive. But honestly, that is the same BS I get from a lot of my Mormon "friends." They want me to be happy but then they donate money and time to Prop 8. It's like they think I can't actually be happy and that they are doing me a favor by preventing me from destroying society anymore.

I just don't know what to say to her. I feel like she is sincere in saying that she wants me to be happy, but how am I supposed to buy that when she is opposed to gay marriage and gay rights in general? Not that it made her feel any better, but I assured her that I have way more "friends" that are not on the invitee list than are. (Oh, this might be a good time to disclose that Max and I are NOT currently planning a wedding, this is really just discussion).

So I just have to ask, how do others feel? I guess I just tire of all these "friends" who want me to be happy but then do everything they can to ensure that I am not allowed the same legal protections that they are. Am I being unreasonable for just being honest with these people in telling them that if I were to get married, I would not want them there? I mean, I would still consider them friends and even go visit them, but I just don't feel like I need that on what should be a special day for me, my family, and friends. 

Thoughts?

4 comments:

El Genio said...

I never really understood the pro-8 people who kept on saying it was about "love" because they have gay "friends." Friends do not vote to invalidate each others marriages. They just don't. I can handle friends who have different beliefs, that's all fine, but when you feel the need to write those beliefs into state law in ways that will directly harm my future family, that is simply unacceptable.

Aric said...

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. For some reason people think they can truly "support" their gay friends AND contribute to the success of anti-gay legislation. Well that's not the kind of two-faced support you or I deserve.

I feel the same way on this issue. My wedding day is going to be a celebration of love and equality, and I wouldn't dream of filling the seats at my ceremony with people who will diplomatically smile and tell me they approve, then go home and gossip to all their church friends about how evil my marriage ceremony was.

Kudos to you for being honest with her.

Michemily said...

Maybe some people believe that there are other ways to be happy that allow for even more happiness.

D-Train said...

"Maybe some people believe that there are other ways to be happy that allow for even more happiness."

Yeah, gay people marrying straight people=happiness. That might be the stupidest thing I have ever heard.

Have you heard of the Declaration of Independence? "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

Interesting that because you *think* someone else could be happier, that you consider it appropriate to deny the pursuit of happiness to others. Funny. I think Mormonism makes people miserable. And depression and suicide rates in Utah seem to support that theory. Does that make it acceptable to take away the rights or Mormons? Hmm, not in my book.

I actually do believe that that, "all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."