Where do I start. It's been over a month since they read the letter in Sacrament Meeting encouraging members to support Proposition 8. A week before they read the letter, I had already read a copy of it, and even before that, I expected a letter of some sort. I remember all too well the Prop 22 days. I was only 17 at the time, but I remember clearly a couple Sundays when things got pretty nasty. I propose right now that we suspend Testimony Sunday until after November.
But anyway, I guess I am writing this to just vocalize my thoughts and feelings about the whole thing. My first reaction to the letter being read was sadness. I was surprised at how emotional I got as they read the letter. For the first time in my life, I felt like the church and belief system that I had always lived and loved, was now working against me. I remember sitting there next to my room mate, Pete, and just feeling sick to my stomach. I was surprised at how much it hurt. I suddenly felt like an outsider being attacked. But instead of an enemy, it was the faith that had brought me so much joy and peace, was suddenly overwhelming me with anxiety and sorrow. To give the bishop credit, he read it tactfully, and sat down without adding anything else. I went home that day with a lot on my mind.
A couple weeks passed, and I, perhaps naively, hoped that that was the last of it that I would have to hear. I suspected that in a family ward more would be said/done on the subject, but I kind of hoped that in a singles ward, where people are occupied with so many other things, that that would be the last of Prop 8. It was mentioned here and there again in passing, but nothing much was ever discussed on the subject.
Then yesterday in Sacrament Meeting the High Councilor and his wife were both asked to speak on the subject. To give them credit, they did it in a very tactful, and roundabout way. Perhaps the Bishop/Stake President asked them to tread lightly knowing that there are a number of people in the ward who are gay or struggle with SSA, SGA, or however they define themselves. But despite even the best intentions, I was hurt. I felt like I was being attacked. I'm being asked to support a cause which will only cause more pain and sorrow among people who are gay. This type of rhetoric in my opinion only further encourages hate and discrimination. I know the Church officially discourages these types of behaviors, but something has to be said for how the members act and why they apparently feel that it is okay to treat others in the hateful and disrespecful ways that they sometimes do.
During their talks, I again felt surprised at how hurt I was and how sad I was. The speakers really were trying to be tactful, but the underlying message was still there. When Sacrament Meeting ended, I made a beeline for the door. I didn't make it far before a couple of people in the ward stopped me to ask me how I was doing. I put my sunglasses on to hide my eyes which were starting to tear up. I ended the conversations with them as soon as possible, and then headed out the door. By the time I got to my car I was pretty shaken up. I really was having a hard time with this. I went home and went back to bed. I felt sick.
After a good long nap yesteday, I woke up feeling a lot better. I know that nothing was meant to be offensive, but I guess I just wish the Church would just let the issue be. I have no doubt that the vast majority of the members of the Church would support the amendment regardless, so why must they be so vocal in their support of it?
Today seemed like it was going to be better until I got an email from the ward indicating that tonight's FHE was going to be given by the Bishop and that it would be a special presntation on Prop 8. Ugh. OK, not that I always go to FHE anyway, but suddenly the anxiety was coming back. I just wish they wouldn't turn this into a "moral issue." What about every other moral issue that the Church remains silent on. Oh well, in a few months it will all be over. And if Californians vote how I hope they do, things might be a little different in a few months.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Addiction
So, from reading other Moho's blogs, I have noticed that many others have the same addiction problem I do. The cycle seems to repeat over and over. I struggle with the self-indulgence for a while (and I can't lie, I always love the temporary excitement and pleasure), but then I find myself beating myself up over it. I get depressed, I wish I could just stop, I hate myself, etc, etc. After struggling with it for a while, I finally reach a point where I have the self-control to stop. I stop cold-turkey; and I last a few days, a few weeks, or sometimes even a few months. This last fast lasted a whopping 4 months (that might be a new record for me). I thought I had finally rid myself of this addiction. But alas, old habits die hard, and this habit had unfortunately gotten an early start in my life. Probably too early. I'm embarrassed to admit how old I was the first time I took part in this transgression.
So last week I had a rough week. Work was not going well and I was stressed about some upcoming things I have to do. I was anxious and upset, and a moment of weakness had arrived. There I was at the store, and of course something on the shelf caught my eye. Before I knew it, I had put it in basket. I hoped nobody had seen me put it int he basket as shame engulfed me. Of course I get to the checkout, and the worst part has yet to come. I try not to make eye contact with the cashier as I make my purchase. My mind races as I drive home and I can't wait to open it up and partake of the empty enjoyment.
I got home, tore it open and threw the self-control out the window. It felt good, I'm not going to lie. Especially after 4 months, it was so good to treat myself to one of my guilty pleasures. Yes, after 4 long months, there was once again Chips Ahoy in the house. I am so addicted to cookies! :P
So last week I had a rough week. Work was not going well and I was stressed about some upcoming things I have to do. I was anxious and upset, and a moment of weakness had arrived. There I was at the store, and of course something on the shelf caught my eye. Before I knew it, I had put it in basket. I hoped nobody had seen me put it int he basket as shame engulfed me. Of course I get to the checkout, and the worst part has yet to come. I try not to make eye contact with the cashier as I make my purchase. My mind races as I drive home and I can't wait to open it up and partake of the empty enjoyment.
I got home, tore it open and threw the self-control out the window. It felt good, I'm not going to lie. Especially after 4 months, it was so good to treat myself to one of my guilty pleasures. Yes, after 4 long months, there was once again Chips Ahoy in the house. I am so addicted to cookies! :P
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Open mouth, insert foot
This was undoubtedly the funniest thing I can ever remember happening at church.
So testimony meeting was wrapping up, and as is typical in the Singles Ward, we have been bombarded by recent move-ins who want to make themselves known. Well, this particular bug boy (term given to all summer sales people, regardless or what they are hawking) is obviously not too concerned with making friends. Keeping in mind that I live in the Newport Beach Stake, and that my ward meets at the chapel next to the temple, this is what this dude starts off his testimony with (summarized of course):
"You know, the Newport Beach temple is not one of my favorite temples. (WTF?! Did he really just say that?) I mean it's nice and all, but I don't particularly like the architectural style or the location, or the color, etc (Note that this is the only pink temple I know of, and I think it is a fabulous)."
He almost recovers by saying that it is not too important how the temple looks, but rather that we visit the temple frequently and that it is the House of the Lord. He then admits that he has not been in it yet, which was already apparent, because the inside is amazing.
Anyway, so at this point he has probably already upset a good 1/3 of the ward which grew up in the area and obviously has a strong connection with the temple. He goes on for a couple more minutes about some other things and then concludes. The bishop is about to stand up and end the meeting, but then I see him sit back down. From the very back row of the overflow area comes a 14-year old kid who must have been visiting form out of town with his family.
He stands up, and adds his short testimony that went something like this:
"I want to bear my testimony that I love the Newport Beach temple and I think it is great because my grandpa designed it." He pauses, and then adds, "and he is sitting in the back row." The entire congregation bursts into laughter, which never quite died down until after the closing hymn. Fantastic. That is all I can say.
So testimony meeting was wrapping up, and as is typical in the Singles Ward, we have been bombarded by recent move-ins who want to make themselves known. Well, this particular bug boy (term given to all summer sales people, regardless or what they are hawking) is obviously not too concerned with making friends. Keeping in mind that I live in the Newport Beach Stake, and that my ward meets at the chapel next to the temple, this is what this dude starts off his testimony with (summarized of course):
"You know, the Newport Beach temple is not one of my favorite temples. (WTF?! Did he really just say that?) I mean it's nice and all, but I don't particularly like the architectural style or the location, or the color, etc (Note that this is the only pink temple I know of, and I think it is a fabulous)."
He almost recovers by saying that it is not too important how the temple looks, but rather that we visit the temple frequently and that it is the House of the Lord. He then admits that he has not been in it yet, which was already apparent, because the inside is amazing.
Anyway, so at this point he has probably already upset a good 1/3 of the ward which grew up in the area and obviously has a strong connection with the temple. He goes on for a couple more minutes about some other things and then concludes. The bishop is about to stand up and end the meeting, but then I see him sit back down. From the very back row of the overflow area comes a 14-year old kid who must have been visiting form out of town with his family.
He stands up, and adds his short testimony that went something like this:
"I want to bear my testimony that I love the Newport Beach temple and I think it is great because my grandpa designed it." He pauses, and then adds, "and he is sitting in the back row." The entire congregation bursts into laughter, which never quite died down until after the closing hymn. Fantastic. That is all I can say.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Life Goes On
So I am not much of a blogger. I guess not too much has been happening recently, or rather not too much that I want to blog about has happened. As hoped, life is really continuing on as normal in many aspects. My room mates have been super cool since I came out to them and I feel like for the most part they are even pretty willing to discuss it with me. It is great to have such awesome friends who are supportive.
On the other hand, I definitely wish that I would have held off telling the ex, at least for a while. In typical female fashion, she acted cool and then went absolutely psycho on me. Hmm, sure makes me want to settle down with a woman for the rest of my life. I guess I never imagined her being so devastated, but who can blame her? I mean what person wouldn't be absolutely destroyed to find out that they could not marry me? :P I am hoping that in a couple weeks things calm down, but if not, I guess it was a great learning experience for me. My favorite part was that she said was mad at God for making me gay. I suppose if she wants to be upset at God for this she can, I'm not going to though. Seriously though, who says that? I could have never imagined that I had such poor judgment of character in selecting my friends.
I have also come out to a couple other friends in the ward this past week. I did not particularly plan on coming out to one friend this week, but when the opportunity presented itself, I felt that he would be a trusted friend. The other is a home teachee that I met my freshman year at BYU. She grew up here in Newport Beach and we have remained good friends since. She was very understanding and having been through many trials in her own life, was very kind and accepting. She knows that we all have our trials in this life to bear, and she let me know that she is my friend no matter what. It is such a relief to me to have friends I can confide in.
Other than that, not too much to report on. I enjoyed General Conference last weekend, though it was very bittersweet for me. Of course they talked about marriage and families a lot, but this time around it really hit me that something I want so bad, may not be a reality in my mortal life. I won't lie, I cried a little bit. But of course Elder Wirthlin didn't let me down. Since about 2001, his talks have almost exclusively been the ones that have meant the most to me. He is not the best orator, but I would encourage everyone to reread his talks in the Ensign. If I could meet one apostle, it would definitely be him. My favorite talk of his ever, was given in the October 2001 conference called One Step after Another. If you have a moment, I highly recommend reading it. That talk has been such an enormous source of strength in my life. I hope it can continue to help me take life one day at a time. I think that is the only way I will make it.
On the other hand, I definitely wish that I would have held off telling the ex, at least for a while. In typical female fashion, she acted cool and then went absolutely psycho on me. Hmm, sure makes me want to settle down with a woman for the rest of my life. I guess I never imagined her being so devastated, but who can blame her? I mean what person wouldn't be absolutely destroyed to find out that they could not marry me? :P I am hoping that in a couple weeks things calm down, but if not, I guess it was a great learning experience for me. My favorite part was that she said was mad at God for making me gay. I suppose if she wants to be upset at God for this she can, I'm not going to though. Seriously though, who says that? I could have never imagined that I had such poor judgment of character in selecting my friends.
I have also come out to a couple other friends in the ward this past week. I did not particularly plan on coming out to one friend this week, but when the opportunity presented itself, I felt that he would be a trusted friend. The other is a home teachee that I met my freshman year at BYU. She grew up here in Newport Beach and we have remained good friends since. She was very understanding and having been through many trials in her own life, was very kind and accepting. She knows that we all have our trials in this life to bear, and she let me know that she is my friend no matter what. It is such a relief to me to have friends I can confide in.
Other than that, not too much to report on. I enjoyed General Conference last weekend, though it was very bittersweet for me. Of course they talked about marriage and families a lot, but this time around it really hit me that something I want so bad, may not be a reality in my mortal life. I won't lie, I cried a little bit. But of course Elder Wirthlin didn't let me down. Since about 2001, his talks have almost exclusively been the ones that have meant the most to me. He is not the best orator, but I would encourage everyone to reread his talks in the Ensign. If I could meet one apostle, it would definitely be him. My favorite talk of his ever, was given in the October 2001 conference called One Step after Another. If you have a moment, I highly recommend reading it. That talk has been such an enormous source of strength in my life. I hope it can continue to help me take life one day at a time. I think that is the only way I will make it.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Coming out to a few friends
The past couple of days have been very exciting. I think I mentioned on Sunday that I was going to come out to a good friend of mine (read: ex-girlfriend sort of) who I had tried so hard to be interested in. We had gone on dates and become very good friends, but trying to have an actual relationship with her always seemed impossible. A few months ago our friendship turned cold and communication between us became difficult. I will take most of the blame for that, but at the time I really was having a hard time seeing any value in our friendship, especially because I was not ready to tell her what was really going on in my life. Things have improved slowly over the past month or so, and I know that she really is one of the few people I can really trust. So I had decided to let her know what had been going on in my life.
I had already told her I wanted to talk, so after FHE ended we walked over to her car and sat inside. I started by thanking her for being a good friend to me, even when I seemed distant and upset. I went on to share with her the internal struggle that I have faced and my desires to remain active in the Church. And then I told her that I was gay. In my head she was not going to be very surprised, but man was I wrong. She was very understanding and I never once worried about her reacting badly (which she didn't), but I could have never imagined how upset it made her. She told me she was worried about me leaving the Church. I told her I have no plans of leaving the Church, but told her that the thought does cross my mind. But of course I do not want to, but sometimes reality can be hard to accept. Being alone sucks. I don't rule out marriage, but at this point in my life I really cannot imagine it happening.
She seemed so sad to hear that, and I really wonder what was going through her head. She has texted me a couple times since then, telling me that she is worried about me. Today she sent me a message asking me if we can live together if neither of us get married, so that we don't have to be alone. Hmm... maybe she didn't get the point that I don't really like women, and living with one does not entirely interest me at this point. Oh well. Overall she was very supportive and I hope that she can understand that I really appreciate her friendship, but that right now there is not a very good chance of a romantic relationship between us. I worry that she has too much on her plate as well (most of which I was completely unaware of at the time), and hope that she does not spend a lot of time worrying about me. For once, I am feeling good about myself.
So after telling her, that really only left two people who I really wanted to tell right now, my room mates. When I got home from FHE on Monday, I told them that I wanted to talk to them the next day if they had some time. We agreed to have our first (and probably last) apartment meeting. I have no idea if what they thought I wanted to talk about, but definitely once the conversation started I could see that they had no idea what I was about to tell them. I started off in a similar manner describing my desires to make good decisions in my life while struggling inside with accepting myself. Then I came out and told them. Again, I was never worried how they would accept it. They are the coolest guys I have ever lived with and are super supportive. I tried to assure them that I have not fallen in love with them, though it seemed like both of them wanted to believe that I had. (just kidding guys).
Oh and the best part? I told them about the MoHo's I had met and about my blog. They asked if they could read my blog and I said sure. Whoops. Did I wonder out loud in a recent blog if either of them were gay? Yep, sure did. Luckily they both are pretty cool and had a really good laugh about it. I mean what was I supposed to think about living with an emo and a metrosexual? They really are super understanding and it felt great to let them know what I have been going through. I felt fantastic afterwards.
So yeah, that's been the past couple of days for me. I am not really planning on telling anyone else in the near future, although I did just buy a plane ticket to surprise dad on his 60th birthday in May. Won't he be surprised? Mom doesn't really want me to tell him on his birthday, and I agree, I was going to wait til the day after. =) Oh, and I need to tell one cousin who I am close with that lives in SLC. She definitely needs to know before I have to go out on one more blind date with another of her "super-cute and single" girlfriends. Bless her heart for thinking of me.
I had already told her I wanted to talk, so after FHE ended we walked over to her car and sat inside. I started by thanking her for being a good friend to me, even when I seemed distant and upset. I went on to share with her the internal struggle that I have faced and my desires to remain active in the Church. And then I told her that I was gay. In my head she was not going to be very surprised, but man was I wrong. She was very understanding and I never once worried about her reacting badly (which she didn't), but I could have never imagined how upset it made her. She told me she was worried about me leaving the Church. I told her I have no plans of leaving the Church, but told her that the thought does cross my mind. But of course I do not want to, but sometimes reality can be hard to accept. Being alone sucks. I don't rule out marriage, but at this point in my life I really cannot imagine it happening.
She seemed so sad to hear that, and I really wonder what was going through her head. She has texted me a couple times since then, telling me that she is worried about me. Today she sent me a message asking me if we can live together if neither of us get married, so that we don't have to be alone. Hmm... maybe she didn't get the point that I don't really like women, and living with one does not entirely interest me at this point. Oh well. Overall she was very supportive and I hope that she can understand that I really appreciate her friendship, but that right now there is not a very good chance of a romantic relationship between us. I worry that she has too much on her plate as well (most of which I was completely unaware of at the time), and hope that she does not spend a lot of time worrying about me. For once, I am feeling good about myself.
So after telling her, that really only left two people who I really wanted to tell right now, my room mates. When I got home from FHE on Monday, I told them that I wanted to talk to them the next day if they had some time. We agreed to have our first (and probably last) apartment meeting. I have no idea if what they thought I wanted to talk about, but definitely once the conversation started I could see that they had no idea what I was about to tell them. I started off in a similar manner describing my desires to make good decisions in my life while struggling inside with accepting myself. Then I came out and told them. Again, I was never worried how they would accept it. They are the coolest guys I have ever lived with and are super supportive. I tried to assure them that I have not fallen in love with them, though it seemed like both of them wanted to believe that I had. (just kidding guys).
Oh and the best part? I told them about the MoHo's I had met and about my blog. They asked if they could read my blog and I said sure. Whoops. Did I wonder out loud in a recent blog if either of them were gay? Yep, sure did. Luckily they both are pretty cool and had a really good laugh about it. I mean what was I supposed to think about living with an emo and a metrosexual? They really are super understanding and it felt great to let them know what I have been going through. I felt fantastic afterwards.
So yeah, that's been the past couple of days for me. I am not really planning on telling anyone else in the near future, although I did just buy a plane ticket to surprise dad on his 60th birthday in May. Won't he be surprised? Mom doesn't really want me to tell him on his birthday, and I agree, I was going to wait til the day after. =) Oh, and I need to tell one cousin who I am close with that lives in SLC. She definitely needs to know before I have to go out on one more blind date with another of her "super-cute and single" girlfriends. Bless her heart for thinking of me.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Meeting the MoHo's
First off, can we please come up with a better word for MoHo. I can't help by laugh when I see/write/say that word. Oh well. I guess I came out a little too late to have any influence on the lingo that exists in the gay Mormon world.
Anyway, the past week has been absolutely nuts. As I was coming to terms with my future and considering the various paths my life could take, something unexpected happened. A local MoHo (Max Power) contacted me and invited me to dinner with him and a couple of other MoHo's. I couldn't believe it. I was barely starting to open up about my sexuality and then just like that I was invited to meet other MoHo's. I was mostly excited to meet them, but a little nervous that I would fall in love with one of them and never be able to contain my emotions. I also felt a little uncomfortable opening up to 3 stranger about this since I had only come out to my mom before then. But for the most part I was stoked to meet other Latter-day Saints who are trying to live their lives within the bounds of the gospel, while being open about their feelings and struggles. We agreed to meet for dinner on Wednesday.
Meeting these three guys was absolutely nuts. All of us had very different experiences to share, but what really struck me was how normal these guys were. I was expecting to meet 3 super weird dudes, but they were all cool, relatively normal people. And I would have never really pegged any of them as being homosexual (although I apparently show up as a large blip on the gaydar). I sat and listened to their experiences and felt so relieved to finally be able to relate with somebody about one of the biggest issues in my life. I also solicited advice from the more "experienced" Moho's about coming out and the best way to let people know. I felt a strong connection with each of them for different reasons. At the end of dinner, my head was still spinning from the whole experience.
As we left dinner I could not stop thinking about what had happened. Literally just a couple weeks before, I felt like I was on verge of a breakdown. At that point in my life, every option except for activity in the church seemed like the best one for me. When I left the restaurant on Wednesday though, I left with a renewed sense of desire to remain active in the Church.
I slept better that night than I have in weeks. I have felt an amazing sense of peace since meeting them. I have exchanged emails with all of them since that night and am feeling a lot better about life. I'm not quite sure what God' plan is for me, but I am more dedicated to finding it in my life. I mentioned at dinner that I had never talked to a priesthood leader about my same-sex attraction, and one of the other MoHo's encouraged me to do so. and so today I did. I was still nervous about talking about it with my bishop, but am so glad I decided to talk to him. My bishop is the nicest guy on Earth and was very understanding. He talked about my options in life and was very understanding that this trial will probably never go away and that it would be near impossible to live out my life without sin, so I should not set that as an expectation. That was about the last thing I expected to hear a bishop say. Anyway, overall it was a good experience for me, and will hopefully help me to continue strong.
Tomorrow should be interesting. One of the last girls that I tried unsuccessfully to date, talked to me at church today and said the could tell that something has been bothering me for a while, and that she wanted to talk. So I told her we would go somewhere after FHE tomorrow and talk. Can't wait. She'll be the first non-MoHo friend I tell. Oh, and I really am looking for a good opportunity soon to let the room mates know. I feel like they might have an idea, but I guess we'll have to see.
Anyway, the past week has been absolutely nuts. As I was coming to terms with my future and considering the various paths my life could take, something unexpected happened. A local MoHo (Max Power) contacted me and invited me to dinner with him and a couple of other MoHo's. I couldn't believe it. I was barely starting to open up about my sexuality and then just like that I was invited to meet other MoHo's. I was mostly excited to meet them, but a little nervous that I would fall in love with one of them and never be able to contain my emotions. I also felt a little uncomfortable opening up to 3 stranger about this since I had only come out to my mom before then. But for the most part I was stoked to meet other Latter-day Saints who are trying to live their lives within the bounds of the gospel, while being open about their feelings and struggles. We agreed to meet for dinner on Wednesday.
Meeting these three guys was absolutely nuts. All of us had very different experiences to share, but what really struck me was how normal these guys were. I was expecting to meet 3 super weird dudes, but they were all cool, relatively normal people. And I would have never really pegged any of them as being homosexual (although I apparently show up as a large blip on the gaydar). I sat and listened to their experiences and felt so relieved to finally be able to relate with somebody about one of the biggest issues in my life. I also solicited advice from the more "experienced" Moho's about coming out and the best way to let people know. I felt a strong connection with each of them for different reasons. At the end of dinner, my head was still spinning from the whole experience.
As we left dinner I could not stop thinking about what had happened. Literally just a couple weeks before, I felt like I was on verge of a breakdown. At that point in my life, every option except for activity in the church seemed like the best one for me. When I left the restaurant on Wednesday though, I left with a renewed sense of desire to remain active in the Church.
I slept better that night than I have in weeks. I have felt an amazing sense of peace since meeting them. I have exchanged emails with all of them since that night and am feeling a lot better about life. I'm not quite sure what God' plan is for me, but I am more dedicated to finding it in my life. I mentioned at dinner that I had never talked to a priesthood leader about my same-sex attraction, and one of the other MoHo's encouraged me to do so. and so today I did. I was still nervous about talking about it with my bishop, but am so glad I decided to talk to him. My bishop is the nicest guy on Earth and was very understanding. He talked about my options in life and was very understanding that this trial will probably never go away and that it would be near impossible to live out my life without sin, so I should not set that as an expectation. That was about the last thing I expected to hear a bishop say. Anyway, overall it was a good experience for me, and will hopefully help me to continue strong.
Tomorrow should be interesting. One of the last girls that I tried unsuccessfully to date, talked to me at church today and said the could tell that something has been bothering me for a while, and that she wanted to talk. So I told her we would go somewhere after FHE tomorrow and talk. Can't wait. She'll be the first non-MoHo friend I tell. Oh, and I really am looking for a good opportunity soon to let the room mates know. I feel like they might have an idea, but I guess we'll have to see.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Two (OK, three) quick things
First, it was my roommate's birthday a couple days ago, so a bunch of his friends from his hometown came over tonight to celebrate. In fact we are all in the living room right now as I write this. My roommate (who is now 24) returned to church activity about 18 months ago and is currently preparing to serve a mission. He has a very strong testimony of the gospel and an unnatural amount of love and concern for others. To sum it up, he will make a great missionary.
Anyway, in the course of the night's discussions, the topic of the MTC and showering naked in front of the other missionaries came up. Apparently, the showers have since been remodeled so that everyone showers privately. And the reason given for why they were remodeled? Of course, it was one of my favorite statistics: 2% of missionaries come home gay. I laughed out loud. Only 2%? And even more ridiculous, do people honestly think that people leave straight and come home gay? I would venture to guess that nobody "turns gay" from showering with other guys. I personally am more attracted to men with their clothes on, and definitely had a companion whose body could almost turn someone straight. Although I had not come to accept my sexuality before, during, or even immediately after my mission, I definitely did not come home any more straight or gay than I was when I left. Anyway, I didn't really think much of the comment, and I don't think that very many people actually take this "statistic" seriously, but I still wanted to comment on it. But who knows, maybe my fantastic body turned some confused, unsuspecting Elder into a homosexual while I was in the MTC (please note the sarcasm).
On another note, I almost came out to my roommates on Thursday night when we went out to for said roommate's birthday. All of us are currently single and so we decided to go to dinner and celebrate (Yes I have wondered if both of them are gay, especially since there are more apparent gay indicators present in their lives than mine. In fact I think more people suspect them of being gay than they do me). Of course the conversation at dinner revolved around girls in the ward and dating. We have all had girlfriends during our 6 months together but all of us seem to have difficulties turning that into anything serious. As they talked about the girls in the ward that they think would be perfect for me, I was so close to just coming out and explaining my lack of motivation in the heterosexual dating world. But I figured my roommate's birthday dinner was not the most tactful place, and ultimately decided it was not the best time or place. Sometime soon though.
Last, I have noticed with many gay Mormon blogs that there exists a certain level of anonymity (and understandably so) when writing. Well, I initially started my blog, not intending to share it with anyone, but a few people wandered upon it. After I came out as a gay Mormon, I was thinking of how open I wanted to be online, when I remembered that my blog's URL kind of does away with any sort of anonymity that I ever intended to utilize. Oh well, I guess I'm over it.
Anyway, in the course of the night's discussions, the topic of the MTC and showering naked in front of the other missionaries came up. Apparently, the showers have since been remodeled so that everyone showers privately. And the reason given for why they were remodeled? Of course, it was one of my favorite statistics: 2% of missionaries come home gay. I laughed out loud. Only 2%? And even more ridiculous, do people honestly think that people leave straight and come home gay? I would venture to guess that nobody "turns gay" from showering with other guys. I personally am more attracted to men with their clothes on, and definitely had a companion whose body could almost turn someone straight. Although I had not come to accept my sexuality before, during, or even immediately after my mission, I definitely did not come home any more straight or gay than I was when I left. Anyway, I didn't really think much of the comment, and I don't think that very many people actually take this "statistic" seriously, but I still wanted to comment on it. But who knows, maybe my fantastic body turned some confused, unsuspecting Elder into a homosexual while I was in the MTC (please note the sarcasm).
On another note, I almost came out to my roommates on Thursday night when we went out to for said roommate's birthday. All of us are currently single and so we decided to go to dinner and celebrate (Yes I have wondered if both of them are gay, especially since there are more apparent gay indicators present in their lives than mine. In fact I think more people suspect them of being gay than they do me). Of course the conversation at dinner revolved around girls in the ward and dating. We have all had girlfriends during our 6 months together but all of us seem to have difficulties turning that into anything serious. As they talked about the girls in the ward that they think would be perfect for me, I was so close to just coming out and explaining my lack of motivation in the heterosexual dating world. But I figured my roommate's birthday dinner was not the most tactful place, and ultimately decided it was not the best time or place. Sometime soon though.
Last, I have noticed with many gay Mormon blogs that there exists a certain level of anonymity (and understandably so) when writing. Well, I initially started my blog, not intending to share it with anyone, but a few people wandered upon it. After I came out as a gay Mormon, I was thinking of how open I wanted to be online, when I remembered that my blog's URL kind of does away with any sort of anonymity that I ever intended to utilize. Oh well, I guess I'm over it.
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